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As you grow older, at each stage of your life the onus is on you to make the decisions. What should I work in? Whom should I marry? Where should I live? How much money do I wan't? How do you decide? Do you think through it or do you feel it?
The reason I am bringing up this topic is a discussion I had with Rob. I was telling him about the system in India, where your parents pick out a girl for you. I personally think that it isn't a bad idea, as long as I know the girl for a while before marriage. But, he was aghast, he couldn't imagine getting married to someone suggested by his parents. I was aghast he was aghast. I could go on like this but back to the topic.
Getting married is probably one of the biggest decisions that you will make in your life. It has the potential to make the difference between a life of fulfillment and a life of resentment. In the beginning of any relationship it's almost impossible to predict how thing's are going to go. So how do you decide ?
Do you go by the way you feel? I feel really connected to her and I feel she is the one. I really don't care about anything else, and all that matters is that I love her. I am going to do what it takes to make it work. In this approach, I might ignore a couple of crucial points that could introduce tension later on, age, race, attitudes etc.
Do you attempt to look at it from a logical perspective? Well, she is a decent looking girl with a nice personality. She wants to do a Ph. D. so the she is reasonably intellectual. Since, I am doing a Ph. D. as well, it would make it easy for us to be together. That's good.
Let's assume she is American:
Hmm...it would be tough to convince my parents about marrying her. If I wanted to get back to India, it would be tough to work out too. And, these people have such a high rate of divorce, what if later after things cool down, no, why do you think of such things, but still.
In this approach, you have the tendency to over-analyze, and with sufficient analysis you can make anyone look bad. You just need to get paranoid and neurotic about their short comings.
So how do you decide? Do you go by the way you feel or by what you think are the 'facts'? I think you need a combination of both. Your feelings and the facts need to align.
6 comments:
Interesting!!! :-) Very Interesting indeed! :-)
Can't say wasn't surprised to read this any particular reasons its up there? And I guess the alignment of logic and feelings is slightly impossible, one has to compromise to make way for the other...
...........and by the way New york is the COOLEST! (referring to your earlier post that is)
And howz internship and all going??
and btw you've linked me.thanks :)
That was stupid me! :-(
The romantic would feel, the pragmatic think
Yes, that's true. Pragmatism is safe but is boring. Romanticism is fun, but more based on optimistic evaluations.
Have you ever been in love before? Doesn't it switch your brain off completely. No logic works. Very close to a state of lunacy (medically speaking that is :P).
So do you think you are in a state of mind to make a decision?
Look at the system in our country. It stood the ravages of time. Because there is a head that is firmly on the shoulders that is backing your decisions and validating them.
If you happened to ever read the column by one British journalist who writes the last page for the Week, he said that he loves the Indian way simply because the system in the West is so dysfunctional ( read speed dating..now how better is it than just seeing the bride on day one and getting married on day two).
--kk
Yes, I think the system here is a little different. The concept of a unique partner is missing. It's more of a commodity. If the old one goes get a new one. Not fully, but to an extent. Getting married to a girl I barely know scares the shit out of me, but after talking to her for a couple of months, yes.
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