Quotes and Random Jokes

Half the world's problems are caused by women, the other half by men.

Half the world's problems are caused by women, the other half by grad students who want to get out of grad school

Ring ring...
Hello. You have just come to heaven. God is busy right now, so you could leave a message so that he can get back to you or you can just go to hell!
-Moi

I like to read and collecting and making up quotes and random humor so here are a few I came across today. Well, if you are my friend, and you decide to read this I challenge you to play this game- a conversion just using quotations. Next time we chat, we can try it out. Of course, you
can use any source of quotations. Duh! You don't need to know anything by heart!
E.g.
I am feeling down today =>

In sooth, I know not why I am so sad:
It wearies me; you say it wearies you;
But how I caught it, found it, or came by it,
What stuff ’tis made of, whereof it is born,

Shakespeare(Antonio in the Merchant of Venice)

Some other random quotes.

Never get angry. Never make a threat. Reason with people.
Mario Puzo (The Godfather)
And then kill them presumably :D.

Careful what you wish
Careful what you say
Careful what you wish
You may regret it
Careful what you wish
You just might get it
Metallica (Song 'King Nothing')

Forgiveness:
There is no revenge as complete as forgiveness.
Josh Billings

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Mahatma Gandhi

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson