In the last para of my previous post I had commented on feeling good about life. I am not sure how many people agree with me but I feel that there is a basic dichotomy to life. It's a catch 22 situation. You lose either way I feel. I am very curious what everyone thinks. I would love to be proved wrong.
There are 2 basic views that one can take to life:
1) 'Winning is everything': Your view is primarily towards achievement. Life is basically a long series of goals to be achieved. Your approach to life is completely result oriented. This does get you results but it comes with a lot of baggage. If things are not working out well you are frustrated. If things fail you are depressed. If things succeed you are elated. Since, any endeavor is worth doing only if the final result is going to be favorable, you are constantly evaluating your position. You try to predict future events that might cause failure and try to reduce the effect of those. You are constantly worried and tense. You succeed, you are the apple in the eyes of the world. Success is tied to happiness the world says. You have succeeded, but, you are miserable.
2) 'Living is everything': You do what you enjoy doing. You do something purely because it is a source of satisfaction to you. Nothing matters. How well you are at it. What finally comes out of it. Does it reap you any benefit? You live your life a particular way, well, because, you feel good living life that particular way. You take a much broader view to life. It's a series of experiences, of moments, of little details. No grandiose plans. No elaborate agenda. You are happy. But, in the eyes of the world you are a nobody.
Why is the world obsessed with success when much of the ingredients that go into it are not so good for your own well being? Also who is this world? Who sets these 'standards'? Let us say you make 2 million a year, live in an aparment on Park Avenue and marry a man/woman (the other sex basically :D, maybe not ;) ) most cannot even dream of - are you going to be happy with your life? The world is looking at you with envy. But, do you deserve to be envied? You have mortgaged your youth. On the other hand, your younger days might have been in idle enjoyment and now you have an ok job, an ok life - nothing special , just chugging along. Nobody gives you a second glance. You haven't done anything 'meaningful' with your life. A waste. Really?
PS: I have substituted clarity for correctness.
PPS: If you think it's crap, maybe it is.
There are 2 basic views that one can take to life:
1) 'Winning is everything': Your view is primarily towards achievement. Life is basically a long series of goals to be achieved. Your approach to life is completely result oriented. This does get you results but it comes with a lot of baggage. If things are not working out well you are frustrated. If things fail you are depressed. If things succeed you are elated. Since, any endeavor is worth doing only if the final result is going to be favorable, you are constantly evaluating your position. You try to predict future events that might cause failure and try to reduce the effect of those. You are constantly worried and tense. You succeed, you are the apple in the eyes of the world. Success is tied to happiness the world says. You have succeeded, but, you are miserable.
2) 'Living is everything': You do what you enjoy doing. You do something purely because it is a source of satisfaction to you. Nothing matters. How well you are at it. What finally comes out of it. Does it reap you any benefit? You live your life a particular way, well, because, you feel good living life that particular way. You take a much broader view to life. It's a series of experiences, of moments, of little details. No grandiose plans. No elaborate agenda. You are happy. But, in the eyes of the world you are a nobody.
Why is the world obsessed with success when much of the ingredients that go into it are not so good for your own well being? Also who is this world? Who sets these 'standards'? Let us say you make 2 million a year, live in an aparment on Park Avenue and marry a man/woman (the other sex basically :D, maybe not ;) ) most cannot even dream of - are you going to be happy with your life? The world is looking at you with envy. But, do you deserve to be envied? You have mortgaged your youth. On the other hand, your younger days might have been in idle enjoyment and now you have an ok job, an ok life - nothing special , just chugging along. Nobody gives you a second glance. You haven't done anything 'meaningful' with your life. A waste. Really?
PS: I have substituted clarity for correctness.
PPS: If you think it's crap, maybe it is.
15 comments:
This is a very interesting thought. I feel that I have to write to explain my point of view (because you said that you are interested in hearing such). However, this is such an interesting subject that I cannot respond without it being a lengthy response. So, I decided to respond on my site and have linked to this article from my site.
Keep up the good work.
All for the latter thought. Life is to be lived for its own sake. Unless there is a worthier cause (there aren't many, unlike what the "Gandhians" think).
The LAST line of "The Last Para" is about talking nonsense ... so heres more...
Talking about universality of dichotomy; I dont think "Winning" n "Living" are contradictory ...
We *choose* our battles and decide some areas to excel, leaving others to mollycoddle or just languish .... SO we dont belong exclusively to one Group(G): G1 or G2 ... but somewhere inbetween...
Then again Winning is not necessarily to confirm to other people's expectations ... the elation the comes with victory is a wonderful personal experience .. so basically G1 and G2 are not mutually exclusive groups...
... and talking about treading mid-way between dichotomy; I dont think shades of Gray is the only color between Black n White ... we got multiple concoctions: delectable n depreciable, delightful and despicable ...
BTW Ramani, I came across a term that might interest you: "RAMISM" - it designates an intellectual trend in Europe (1515-72) .. part philosophy, part pedagogy ...
Intern
Ohh YESSSSSSS, I am in Chicago!!!
... Now adding to the randomness of it all.......
-Intern
Some beautiful lines by Baz Luhrmann :
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t....
...Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
DANCE: Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room ...
SING: Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours....
Holy Holly!! Gimme five man. I totally agree that there is a barbed fence that divides the 'happy' from the 'successful'. You really can't be both and no cats on the fence!! I have argued my point a whole evening with a colleague of mine but he still prefers to differ.
Truly speaking I believe each one has his own benchmark of success. A lakh of ruppees may mean astronomical success to one and pittance to another!
[our hero] hmm..i read it..i think different people have different approaches to this..
i live only once so be as happy as i can
i live only once so get as far in the world as i can
both make sense..both justify their povs..
[s] hmm...i guess..but the practicalities of life..if you can deal with them..then i think it's good..
[intern] i am answering you in a new comment.
[intern] yes there are inherently a lot of bugs and assumptions in what i said.
- There is no black and white in life. Everything and everyone is a shade of grey. You can never find a saint, and no one is really as bad as you think they are.
- the basic idea i wanted to get is that, one always is in conflict in these things.
whether you agree to it or not, at some level one is always having to confirm to the expectations of the world. why should you get married? why do you need a job? why do you need to earn money? at some level many of these things are done because they have to be done. because everyone does it. because it's weird not to do it.
the same goes for competition. competition is bad - it ruins friendships, relationships and causes you a lot of trouble. in reality no one really wants to compete or hurt anyone else. but, it's a necissity for surviving in the world. you are always being evaluated by how you are doing wrt others. as long as the world is evaluating you like that you have no choice.
there is always a conflict between doing what you enjoy and based on some deeper inner beliefs, while a superficial way of doing it to display your skill to the world. though both might give you the same final result, how you feel about it is very different.
hmm..i think thats the key..but it needs great character to implement it...
Rudyard Kipling's if :
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
--Rudyard Kipling
This is the key. But, can you make it work for you. You don't know.
[kirthi] i think at a basic level what you say is true. how i am under high stress where the result matter, and how i am with close friends is very different. when i am in one 'mode' the other seems meaningless and shallow to me. it's extremely tough to perform at a very high level without letting that get to you - one way or the other - either through vanity or through a feeling of inadequacy. paradoxically, the more vain that you are when you are doing well, the more worried and tense you are about losing that little thing that defines you and the more devastated you are when you finally lose it.
you should have the strength to do well for yourself without that defining how you look at yourself. your perception of life should not be based on your success but at the same time you should put in your work. this is a great attitude to have but very tough to implement. it's easy to get carried away. and that's the beginning of the end.
My grandfather used to say, never be a slave to anything, slave to money, slave to work, slave to another person. You decide. You are the master. You decide how much of each you want. And, you get it.
Is this is the same Ramani who had but a flippant joke for anything I said, back in school? What happened to you dude? :)
I think I see a CHANGE everywhere
Intern
Life? :D
Even before I checked your profile, I knew you had to be very young. Only someone in their early twenties could think that the world is so black and white. Live is full of infinite shades of gray.
Paul,
I can safely say that you just read the main post BUT didnt read his comments ...
He's not only young, intelligent, broad minded, well behaved, but is
... delightfully mature ...
who sees that black and white are the two extremes that just border the infinite palettes of gray that predominantly color our life ...
But the kid in him ..
paints this proverbial gray with vibrant splashes of colors ...
so now he's a kid albeit a mature one and later he maybe old but kid-at-heart!!!
Ramani,
Thanks for reminding me that Rudyard Kipling's poem!!!
It has a special meaning for me...
*I
[paul] i dont think i am that young. i wish. well, i don't really think the world is all black and white. life is way too complicated to pin anything down as such, but, i wrote it out that way to make my point. it's difficult to have the cake and eat it in life. if you want one thing badly, be ok with giving up on other things.
[intern] thanks for defending me. :D.
He's not only young, intelligent, broad minded, well behaved, but is
... delightfully mature ...
I need to tell my parents about that :D.
The if poem is wonderful. It's a really touching poem. One of my favorites.
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