I, Je, Ich

I have been having some time. Some time to think. When one has time and not much on mind, one wanders to the self. Most good analysis stems from trying to find the answer to the right questions.But, since you never know what is right you just ask, and ask, and then decide. Or ruminate.
Basic format:
Questioning word followed by I Me Myself followed by event, feeling etc
Questions as such are rarely positive. So some basic categorization for the sake of clarity.

• self-piteous - if you are the soft kind- why am I such a failure
• self-hating - for the tougher types- i am such a loser- more direct and hurtful
• self-indignant-How can this happen to Me? Me Me!

Stuff like self love is also there. But that tends to be more direct and less rhetorical.
You should have got the picture I am trying to paint. Ok. Good. Now.
A couple of questions come up to me reasonably often is:
Why is that I hardly see myself as others see me? To most people (unless I am in a particularly foul state) I come off as smart,successful and reasonably cool. But, to me, no way. I guess I set expectatations up so much that I am destined to failure and frustration. So, in the end I feel disappointed that I didn't get too near my goal, yeah but the damn thing was somewhere in the upper atmosphere so what do you expect.
Why is it that I end up doing things that are intrinsically tough? Not tough. But painful. Like masoshism. Fun no. Do I do it because it's tough, because it's a challenge or because there is something worth it in the end that is better than taking the not so tough and easy to understand clear path. I thing tough taking up interesting challenges adds spice to life. What about challenging people? No ! Bah. Keep them away from me.