Mush gush and all that slush

Life has been unfair to me (or maybe eminently fair). Since my last post, the universe has consipired to take revenge upon me.

1. Within 10 minutes of having uploaded my post, I am mistaken for a female blogger. Atleast, I am told that I am 'sharp' (as opposed to 'blunt', i.e. doorknob).
2. Many of my blog readers have implied that i) I am a moron ii) I am insane iii) I am a moronic insanity.
3. Though most would feel that my coffin has recieved a sufficient number of nails, as a final touch, I have been tagged by SmugBug. Her post is here.

At this juncture, I am very tempted to launch into one of my half-serious, half-joking, half-satirical, half-philosophical rants (yeah I know that adds up to 2, but whos counting?). However, most great comics have lead tragic real lives. Woody Allen eventually married his step-daughter after multiple failed marriages. Richard Pryor, one of the first great Black comics had had a traumatic childhood. Chris Rock also had to deal with great ridicule in his childhood. He even made a tv show out of it, Everybody Hates Chris Rock. Matthew Perry has had significant issues with drug abuse. He has lead a traumatic life as well. Ok, that doesn't count. Everyone laughs at him.

So, what does all this mean? What would your psychiatrist tell you? "Son, humor is a means to deal with life's difficult issues". So, if you have more issues than a magazine stand, you are left with little choice in the matter! In conclusion, what I was meaning to say was that, if I do go into one of my rants, and turn out to be funny, I am possibly like one of those comics, messed up in the head. If, I do go into one of my rants, and turn out to be not funny, then I am plain boring. So, what would I rather be? Mad or boring? Mad sounds more interesting. Lets see, a senseless rant would go something like this :-

All things related to human existence fall into 3 categories - wants, needs and deservings. You need what you need. You want what you want. Ultimately, you just get what you deserve. I just noticed that that sounded super cheesy. Anwyay, what do I want from life?

1. A car..
2. A job, this or this.
3. A house.
4. A spouse.

The last bit is the question that this post seeks to answer.

However, it has famously been rumored that all you need is this. In reality, you just might deserve this. Unfortunately, dear readers, it is your lucky day. You are no longer going to be subject to this verbose trauma. I am going to be serious, mature, grave and dead. Ok, not dead, that would be taking it too far. Just serious and mature, and grave. No, not dead in grave. Just grave. So, what do men want? (in a serious and mature and grave and not dead tone) (The 'What women want' question has actually merited an entire movie, so lets not get into that. )

*Please stop laughing, insulting me, pitying yourself. Calm, grave, serious.*

Rules of the Game:
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
2. You have to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.

Sex: Female

* Loudly clearing throat. *

1. Firstly, you should feel good (atleast ok) about life most of the time. Like most people, I am depressed by people for whom life is one big pity party. Also, like most people, I am irritated by people for whom life is one big ego trip. Attitude is good, as long as it is positive, and directed well away from other people.

2. When I say, 'Grass is green', I haven't just insulted the Count of Monrovia. Capiche? I am terrible at lying. I just don't get hints (which importantly means I can't deliver hints either!). I don't know how to be 'clever' (much to my dismay). So, letting your imagination run wild is a bad idea, because you credit me with too much.

3. Like 1 of these 3 things. Travel. Travel. Travel. If, you like 2 of the 3, I can make an exception on all the other points (See, I just found a lifelong travel partner. Except point 2. I need to enjoy the ride you see.). Just to get things clear, by travel, I didn't mean staying at the Ritz-Carlton and eating at the Signature Lounge (which is on the 95th floor of John Hancock, excellent view of Chicago if I might add). What I mean is, staying in youth hostels, eating from McDonalds, and jumping buses, but loving every bit of it. However, the first bit might also come into the picture ;).

4. Be interested in life. Be willing to experience everything life has to offer. Like to read random stuff. Maybe watch arty type movies. Why are people successful in one sphere of life sometimes total disasters in other spheres (e.g. your favorite celebrity)? Whats pointillism? Have opinions on everything. Ayn Rand needs to lighten up (though I do agree with the point that she makes). Roman Polanski makes great movies. Modern Art is pretty caveman-ish, if you actually think about it.

5. Be at the same wavelength. Have similar comfort levels with 'stuff' as me. See, I am not your thair sadam eating tam-brahm, nor am I some 24/7 party animal.

6. Have something that you are passionate about. Something that you are driven to spend time and energy on. Someplace that you have to go.

7. I love Google. So, don't be evil. Don't be mean. Be sincere. And, don't lie (a lie is defined as anything which is not the actual version of the truth).

8. Most importantly, be your crazy wacky self. See, that way I won't feel so guilty about being me. Also, I have great patience, as long as 7. holds all the time, and 1. holds most of the time.

Lets see. Who do I tag?...
Prashanth..hmm..he doesn't answer tags..this looks like a topic he might like..but he won't answer it just because I tagged him..
Hemant and Jayanand..ha ha..I can see them smiling contemptuosly right now... I have to endure multiple evenings of torture just for having put up this post...
Intern..already been tagged..
Prahlad and Madhura..wait a sec..do they blog??..
Alraqs..she is one person who I think might do it..(psst..its your first tag..bad karma if you don't answer it)
Kirthi ? Sarath? Vc ? Any takers?

* Okay, you can start snickering now.*
* Oh btw, before I forget, all of you up there, you have been tagged*