Oh well, I am back to this thing called 'existence without living' a.k.a. grad school. So all those who were feeling jealous that I was having a lot of fun, be jealous no more, my life sucks just as much as yours. On that fine note...
While flying, I usually get allocated a seat way back in the plane, the good part is that I get in first, which in fact doesn't matter since the plane doesn't leave without everyone getting in, but the bad part is that I am the last to get out, last to get on the immigration queue, last to get my baggage and consequently last leave the airport. So, this time around I asked for a seat as far up the plane as possible. As my luck would have it, I got one right next to the emergency exit. The air hostess is supposed to ensure that the passenger sitting next to the exit is willing to help in the case of an emergency. So, this very South Indian looking overlying smiling air hostess with too much makeup comes up to me and asks -
Anyway its good to be back 'home'. More posts coming up soon.
While flying, I usually get allocated a seat way back in the plane, the good part is that I get in first, which in fact doesn't matter since the plane doesn't leave without everyone getting in, but the bad part is that I am the last to get out, last to get on the immigration queue, last to get my baggage and consequently last leave the airport. So, this time around I asked for a seat as far up the plane as possible. As my luck would have it, I got one right next to the emergency exit. The air hostess is supposed to ensure that the passenger sitting next to the exit is willing to help in the case of an emergency. So, this very South Indian looking overlying smiling air hostess with too much makeup comes up to me and asks -
Delta Smart Air Hostess (DSAH): Do you know that you are sitting right next to the emergency exit? (with idiotic smile)The conversation until now was carried out in English (not Tamil or French or Spanish or Swahili or whatever). Nothing awry. Nothing out of the normal. Then the following coversation followed, much to my shock and amusement.
Me: Yes
DSAH: Are you willing to help in the case of an emergency? If not, I could give you a seat elsewhere in the plane. (with idiotic smile)
Me : No, thats not necessary. I can help.
DSAH: Can you understand English? (with idiotic smile)The conversation could have ended here. She gets the joke, smiles and walks off.
Me: *huh?!!?? This is interesting...he he he* No, I speak English, but I don't understand English. (With a perfectly straight face, dead serious. The passengers next to me started smiling.)
DSAH: What? You speak English but you don't understand English. (Genuinely perplexed, with idiotic smile. She didn't get it!)On realizing that she just didn't get it, I was very tempted to go on bullshitting, maybe I could invent a condition that enables me to speak English without understanding a word. However, I decided to let it go.
Me: Yes, I can speak English, but I find it very difficult to understand it. (I had to try really hard to make sure I didn't crack up. The passengers next to me started sniggering. She still didn't get it.)
DSAH: How can you do that?? (Totally lost, with idiotic smile.)
Me: Oh just kidding. I can also understand English.Delta-Smart Air Hostess is a very clever pun. I was flying Delta. So Delta-(Smart Air Hostess). The symbol Delta is usually used in mathematics to denote infinitesimally small quantities. So (Delta-Smart) Air Hostess = Dumb Air Hostess.
Anyway its good to be back 'home'. More posts coming up soon.
22 comments:
I'm Bach!
Ramani is back to his life of misery.
What better time to re-enter the blogosphere than this.
Man, that Delta smart pun was bloody awful, even slightly odious. The jokes we hear at Blind Pig better be less offensive.
[intern] actually i was never intending to mock her or make fun of her. it feels slightly awkward to say 'yes, I can understand English'. i just thought she would get my clever joke and walk off. only when I found out she had no idea what I was trying to get across was I much tempted.
Actually, Delta is currently making huge losses and is on a major cost cutting mode. Their air-hostesses are not from their regular pool or whatever. They are hired locally and I don't think the standards are very rigorous. They don't look very trained/experienced.
Almost all of them were tamilian and for some strange reason could speak 'shudh tamil', so maybe they didn't know English very well.
[prashanth] yes. I don't want to be perceived as a MCP. male chauvinist pig.
No, thats a math pun. Those not into math might not get it. Thats why I had to spell it out :D.
[doppel] We need to go to Blind Pig to tell. I have to call you dawg but my phone is cupped.
There you go again, expanding MCP for our benefit. Are you so surrounded by dumb people that you find the need to explain everything or are you just training to become a prof?
Both :D..He he..
hey plagarism!!!!! that was vaguely similar to my comment about being able to read but not understand!! I am going to sue you! :)
Heh! Sarcasm and wiseassness is hugely inappropriate when the other party is obviously lacking in intellect. It is you who will end up feeling the stupid party at the end of it. And back ‘home’? Ah! :)
[madhura] ok ok..sue me..but be warned that you are likely to get all of 1000.62$...
[primalsoup] yes i realized :D...
[jaysan]what???? what was it about my post that made you think i have money in my account. on all accounts i have no money in my account.
heh..in that case she should have had to ask me in tamil if i understood tamil..which is such a dumb thing to do..
if i did well why did she ask?
if i didn't i wouldn't know she is asking me
..if she did..i would have had to speak to her in my 'shudh' tamil..
heh..:D...i don't think it is standard practice..but come to think of it i have never have have sat by the exit before
[intern] i think bush should be made the founding member of the club...
and as for the air-hostess..i was just kidding..
i have a feeling she didn't get the joke because she was one of those air-hostesses that specialized in the local
language (tamil)...
but i find it so silly to ask...Parle vous Francais?
If I did understand, I would reply the obviious
If I didn't understand, I wouldn't be able to know it was a question.
Ho ho.. the air-hostess thing was too funny man!! lol.. Ok so there's Bush and then the air-hotesses! This would be a perfect snippet for Sienfeld ;-)
- Aditya
Aditya??
Which Aditya are you??
[intern] i have also come across a number of airhostesses/receptionists who turn out to be pretty sharp and witty..
this is just a special case..i am in no way trying to generalize..
The funny part was she had NO IDEA.
She had no idea I was making a clever joke.
Even, after she saw the passenger next to me smiling, she didn't get the joke, she had a puzzled totally lost expression on her face.
It was just a wiseass remark that I had made. Maybe she didn't hear me properly. God knows.
of course dearie i will be whatever you want me to be...
btw i know who ypu are :D..thanks sitemeter
give up...Delta smart. heheh..
i have to sayyyy.. Ramani.. that I am the first person who "didnt" get the Delta pun.. and Im the only person who is "glad" that you explained the pun in the end!
Hey.. how is any commonner supposed to know that first Delta Airlines exist.. I didnt.
I personally think Airhostesses.. may be witty or clever.. but they surely end up in several tricky positions.. and often act idiotic in such cases! I have a wardrobe full of such events to narrate.. if i start.. i wouldnt know when to end! :)
[jay-san] cmon you can be more broad minded than that...with massachusets and all ;)
[sarath] yes that was a pj.
[divster] yes..if you haven't been to the us or flown a lot in the US you would have no idea that Delta is an airline..
actually there is another context for it..it is declaring bankruptcy..it is totally out of money!!..and it shows when you fly it!
tell me more! I am all ears!
told you, you should have flown air lanka :)...no delta smarts there, you get personal viewing screens with top class bollywood nonsense...independence air also recently declared bankruptcy, the industry is crazy...
hmm...air lanka seems to be the cheapest..but my parents get seriously tenshun about me flying through colombo..
independance air..yeah i heard about it...the airline industry seems to be in a mess here..
oops.. this is kind a late..but its Aditya..Rao!
my parents too, but thats one I ignore...nah, colombo is not all that bad...and as of now, the airport is yet to be blown up...but then again, there is always tommorrow :)...sri lanka is a really pretty country, btw...
[aditya] hey!
[alraqs] heh..i would think it would be quite decent..it should be like Kerala..
but, somehow sri lanka/pakistan/bangladesh are all just india with a different name..
Post a Comment