Bah!

The never ending grind is getting to me. And the cut-throat competition! You never know who is setting you on fire. Bah!

I have been a little too anxious and disturbed of late, for my own comfort. Nothing catastrophic. Just a lot of small innocous things which all add up and cause the mind to wander.

After much contemplation, I have decided I would anyday be lucky than smart (as if..). In the roll of the dice, if you hit 3 sixes, do any of the other specifics really matter?

----------------------------------------------------

You know what? In a state of boredom, nostalgia, homesickness, and missing my grandfather, I googled my great-grandfathers name. I was amazed to find this.

N Sundaram Iyer, who successfully ran the City Motor Service in the 1940s, was a multi-faceted personality. He taught mathematics at the Loyola College and later at the Vivekananda College, Chennai of which he was honorary principal for a few years. He was considered a great teacher of complex variables.

Sundaram Iyer used to persuade many applicants for an undergraduate course to persue the the B A (Hons) course in mathematics. Reason: due to his love of maths and perhaps more to his love of business. The maths course, unlike other science UG courses, did not call for expensive laboratories. All that were needed were blackboards and a few pieces of chalk. And he had an abundance of good teachers, including the dedicated T R Raghava Sastry. The intake for the post- graduate courses was a liberal 40 plus.

The practice was similar in several other colleges. In the land of Ramanujan there was a natural flair and interest in mathematics.

My grandfather actually went to Loyola College and was taught by T R Raghava Sastry. How a 65 year old man would remember the name of his favorite teacher!

The City Motor Service was the pre-indepenance pre-cursor to our beloved moving Leviathians, Pallavan Transport Corporation. Sundaram Iyer was quite the businessman-academician. While continuing to teach, he built up the business from a single second hand bus that he had accidentally come to possess. I used to be enthralled throughout my childhood by my grandfather's tales, tales of important people, grand houses, many cars, servants and a most nice life. Sad that some disastrous business decisions later on in life would cause ruin.

This reminds me of another time when I was transitioning from the 10th to the 11th. I had to start up on the IIT coaching classes, and coming from a not so competitive school, I was late on the whole game. Going to the right tutors and being with the right peer group is all important you know. I wanted to join a retired professor, KS Ramachandran for maths. I went to meet him with my grandfather. My grandfather was my willing handy man, keeping track of the endless details necessary for "successful engineering entrance".

KSR as we was fondly called was quite the old-fashioned type, didn't like kids landing up at the last minute. We tried our best to get him to change his mind but it just wouldn't work. However, as luck would have it, oldish thatas were on my side, as they always tend to slide into small talk and reminisce of times passed and faded. My grandfather asked him if he had heard of N Sundaram Iyer. At this, KSR left out a whoop of amazement. A B. A (Hons) Math scholarship 50 years ago. I did go to KSR.

In my family, my great grandfather came to symbolize everything in life that you should and should not strive for. Academic achievement, goodness of character, business canny, over-confidence, poor judgement, and failure.

Goldspan opens his mouth...

..and the market drops. Or was it the 8% move in China? Or was it the Yen carry trade * ? Or was it the sub-prime meltdown ? Predictability is to finance what coyness was to Anna Nicole Smith. You can try as hard as you want, but it just isn't there, and is never going to be. Every guy has his own pet theory which predicts the state of the economy out to 20 years, and weirdly if 1000 guys come out with their theories, in the end someone is going to be right! It is impossible to distinguish skill from luck! Better be a lucky fool than an unlucky genius! (Think about it, why do you need to be smart if you have rich parents?! Not the paavam middle class boy I am.) Anyway, most of the trouble comes from it being this weird cat and mouse game, where all your time is spent double guessing the joe across the street.

Of late, I have been following the market quite closely. A bit too obsessively you might say. I can tell you what the SPX did on each day over the last 2 weeks. A 2% move is actually life event, and a quite a talking point. (That would also provide generous hints as to the quality of my life). Its not that I have a stake in whats going on. As a matter of fact, I do, in some vague general survival of the universe sense, but not enought to get worked up though. However, if you are surrounded by a bunch of people whose lives print tick by tick you cannot but help.

One result of this is that my "GK" a.k.a "General Knowledge", that thing you knew to do quiz contests in school and college, is better than it has ever been. See, I have heard something about anything and everything that can move the markets. Democrats vs. Republicans. Obama vs. Clinton vs. Mc Cain vs. ?!. Iraq war. Will US declare war on Iran ? (Well do you want to pay $4.00 a gallon? In that case you might have to. ) Medicare. Medicaid. Social Security. The imploding housing market. Ford and GM. The wreck that is the American car industry. Cheap money. Takeovers and mergers Happy times ! Lets get hitched! Arcelor and Mittal. Tata and Corus. (Even Indian companies have joined the fray. Brothers to the rescue! ) And who can miss the skyrocketing and exploding (like fireworks) markets of India and China. And I follow the non business section as well. Britney baby, to the rehab, one more time! Life is busy but interesting.

* Any trade tries to buy something that is cheap and sell that is expensive, thus making a profit. People lose a shitload of money when they interchange the cheap and expensive part. ( Not very hard to figure that one out, but hard to carry out in practice.) So, the Yen carry trade borrows in Yen (which is cheap as interest rates in Japan are zero) and buys stock in India (which gallop up and down, so you can net 25% if you get lucky). In other words, borrow money from the bank and bet it all on horse or two.

** A month or two back a couple of friends of mine were giving me heat about my largely sceptical view of the crazy run up of real estate prices in India, US and elsewhere. Well guys, take a look at whats happening in the US now. The piece of shit is exploding. Finally, its a good time to buy a house. Palm it off some bankrupt dude in foreclosure. Heh.

*** Spring is back. Hells yeah!

*^4 Remind me to get my camera out. I go on Flickr and see such brilliant photos. I like taking photos! I need to take some! One underestimates how hard it is to capture the perfect moment. Once you have it, it all looks so obvious. Hindsight is 20/20.

Gravity

News! News! News! Breaking News! It's just unbelieveable. When you finally come to accept that pigs could fly this comes along.

John Mayer.........discovers.....and whines about....* drum rolls *........Gravity!

Gravity *Whine*

Gravity is working against me What?! It is?? How dare it!! How could it be so cruel?
And gravity wants to bring me down Bawwhhhh Bawwwhhh life is soooo unfaaairrrr

Oh I'll never know what makes this man Ah ok. So Mr. Gravity it is then. Not a Mrs or a Miss. Not in a pretty flowing floral skirt.
With all the love that his heart can stand Oh so love it is. I guess everything is straight now.
Dream of ways to throw it all away And kaput it was. How shocking that you would fall out with Mr Gravity ?!

Oh Gravity is working against me Bawhh!! Life is soooo unfairrr....Wahhh...Bawwhh..Sniff
And gravity wants to bring me down How hateful! That heartless beast!

Oh twice as much aint twice as good You want less of it? Sure! Lets shoot you out into space.
And can't sustain like one half could Translation still awaited from John-Mayer-gobbledegook-touch-feely-adsgkj-speak speacialist.
It's wanting more More?! Didn't you want less 2 sentences back?!
That's gonna send me to my knees Sadism is cool.
(repeat) (ouch ouch ouch)

Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me And you want it go away?!
Oh gravity has taken better men than me you see now how can that be? Make up your mind!! Maybe its you and not 'him' who has caused the relationship malfunction. All the moodswings you know.

Just keep me where the light is Now you want light?! Ah! So you want the gravity to lead you to light. Let there be light!
Just keep me where the light is Gravity + Light => General Relativity. The effect of gravitation on the shape of space and the flow of time!
Keep you me where the light is Relativistic string theory!
Just keep me where the light is Photons! Gravitons! Manifolds !
Ohh… where the light is! D-branes! Supergravity!

As is apparent, Mr. John Mayer is at the cutting edge of thought on some of the most intractable problems that have puzzled humanity for thousands of years. Not surprisingly Mr. Mayer is currently in the company of Madam Jessica "Chicken of the Sea" Simpson. Amazing how a nice voice and a melting look can get away with something so inane and ridiculous.

Another week goes by..

The extended weekend in Utah was a lot of fun. We went skiing in Park City, a little town a few miles out of Salt Lake City. It is apparantly one of the top skiing destinations in the world. The winter olympics were held there a few years back. It was called the Salt Lake City Olympics, but Park City it was. Details, details.

There are primarily 4 types of slopes. Green, Blue, Black Diamond and Black Moguls. The Greens are the baby slopes, while the Black Moguls are those psycho slopes were these lithe visions writhe and glide through the snow. As this was my first time, I was stuck on the Greens. Most of the other folks in my group were these hardcore veterans that being unsatisfied with the Black Moguls, trek up random ridges and ski down jagged mountain sides. I actually wanted to do the Moguls as well. You know, break some bones and get a couple of months off. Alas, the others would have none of it. They refused to call 911 if I flew off a cliff.

Skiing is very hard because you instinctively tend to do the opposite of what you are supposed to. It is like how we tend to handle most things in life. So, they key to success is to do the opposite of what you think you should be doing. Thats probably how you should not be handling most things in life though. Anyway, it is like being on a continously slipping Banana peel. The reason why you slip and fall is because you panic, flail your arms around and lean back, allowing the peel to zip forward, propeling you back. The key to skiing well is to keep your arms well ahead of you, and your weight balanced ahead. That would ensure that the banana peel is pinned under your foot. Weight distribution. Weight distribution.

Anyway, as obvious as it may sound, the first step to skiing well is to not crash. I cannot empasize enough the not crash part. The key to not crashing is to not fly down the slope at 200mph, and the key to doing that (not fly that is) is keeping your speed under control. And, yes, you got that right, the key to keeping your speed under control is to be able to 'carve', i.e. cut left and right, against the direction of the slope, and bleed speed. Now carving isn't easy because as you weave, you could catch an edge and take the aerial route. You are caught between a rock and a hard place, carving could make you end up with legs twisted on the snow, and crashing could leave you decorated on the slope like christmas lights on a christmas tree.

I had quite a few fairly nasty crashes early on. That was nothing as bad as what my friend had. So, we decide to go down this slightly tough Green that sloped down while turning left. These slopes aren't hard to do, as long as you keep your speed under control. Unfortuantely, we can barely even turn, let alone carve. My friend heads down the slope. As he goes down he gets faster and faster and faster, and the turn approaches. Not making the turn would mean flying off a little bit of a cliff into a nice messed up ditch. Since he has no clue as to how to turn, he gets panicky, and somehow manages to turn, but overcorrects. It hasn't helped his speed all that much. Instead of risking flying off the right end of the slope, he is about to fly off the left end. He barrels on at 40 mph at a crop of trees. Gets shell shocked. Drops his poles and falls back. As he result he flies on even faster and has this spectacular crash. It was like watching a car fly off a bridge into a brick wall. My experience was a little better. Fell down a lot more times, but nothing too dramatic. After all this initial anguish, we did get better at it.

So, my super-boss has a little condo in Park City. He also rented us a little condo, with hot tub and all. Ski all day, drink beer, get stuffed and soak in the hot tub all evening. These traders love playing games that resemble trading in some way, essentially gambling games that involve an element of skill - poker for e.g. However, I would advise you to avoid playing a gambling game with a bunch of derivatives traders, if you care about your money. I lost a bit, and wisely decided to sulk and stop playing. They are a pretty nice bunch though.

All in all it was a fun experience. Once in a while I do deserve a bit of a break from my good old 75 hour weeks. Entire companies go out of existence in 2 weeks. Lets not even speak about individual people. I do deserve a bit of a break. Do you think so? Or, do you think I need to be smacked on the head with a cricket bat?

Oh btw, in case you didn't know, in about 15 minutes the most cliched, overused, commericalized piece of shit day ever, Valentine's day, is going to come to an end. Thank god for kind mercies! I read on the BBC website that companies in India expect to make about 200 crores exploiting poor kids with no pocket money. And, whats this thing about women wanting to being treated on par with men? Do they really wan't that deal ? No more days like this then. Super sexist no? I have also been noting that increasingly, women wear engagement rings that are as big as a brick. I sometimes pity the poor finger that needs to keep carry the entire weight of the ego. The poor fellow must have slaved 5 months to pay the first instalment on that thing. Do you know that the diamond market is super manipulated? Do you know that diamonds would cost a fraction as much as they currently do if the few suppliers weren't controlling supply? A bit like oil (OPEC and all that). In any case, general crap shooting ends. Pardon. Merci beaucoup. C'est bon. Au reviour. Monday is President's day. 3 day weekend. Heaven!

Ca va?

Life is sucking a bit. Lets just say that it is sometimes challenging to be in the company of extremely smart and experienced people, who know what is going on while you dont, while you need to get things right and they don't.

One can never tell how much money a trader made or lost that day. Ha! Me?! I will probably get taken out in a stretcher in a week. Whining. Whimpering. Screaming. :).

You know what? I am going to Utah on Thursday. 4 days. Ski Trip. Not bad huh? Life doesn't suck at all, except when its sucking. I don't even need to take days off. I am officially on work. As you can see my group treats me quite nicely. Doesn't leave one as badly fried as the guy who left in 1.5 years to start teaching his own cooking class.

I must seem like one of those crazy super moody people, who keep flipping their outlook on life every 24 picoseconds. As a matter of fact, I am psychotherapizing myself with the whole sunny outlook deal, instead of paying some bloke 150$ a hour to do the same. Heh. That reminds me - did I tell you how much these dentists in the US charge ? You might have a better smile, but nothing really to smile about. You might even bare your teeth for a quick snarl. Thats when you are not scowling bitterly. Having been subject to money being sucked out me at 600$ an hour, I estimate they loot over 1.5 million $ a year. Ah! There I go again!

Bah!

-4F. -20C. #$%@$#^%$$%@^#$%@! The coldest day in 11 years, 2 weeks after the warmest winter day in 50 years. Global Warming ? What might make you think so?

Fun continues..

So, a lot of people gave me flak over my previous post. "You mean insensitive Grinch! You mongoose, bandicoot and rat! All you care about is money! Che you horrible person! Che che che! You animal of a man! Go talk to him and make the fellow feel better! " I attested that it was a bad idea for me to do so. Now in this episode I shall defend myself vigorously yet humorously. Endlessly.

In my very high opinion (not that high because I am not drunk), getting fired is something similar to getting dumped. While the woman (i.e. the dumper, assuming you are the guy) was the tap that filled all your emotional needs, the job is the hose that fills all your financial needs. Actually, it is a far more dramatic life change than just getting dumped. Love cannot buy you a plane ticket home for the winter. Love cannot pay the rent on a nice apartment. Love cannot buy that Nikon Digital Rebel that you so bady wanted. You get my point. However, on the other hand, if you have enough money you can buy the woman you love (your mom basically), a plane ticket, and in essence buy yourself more love and admiration and some most wonderful vendekkai curry. So, in essence getting fired can make you lose a whole bunch of the funky things in life, and thus can cause much stress and anguish.

Me having been the unwitting witness to multiple dumpings, have come to decide that the problem with dumpings is not the actual event but the crying and moaning and whining and complaining and ranting that comes after it. Though the actual interaction with the woman would have lasted for all of 32 seconds, the melodrama after it just goes on and on and on. Much of the trauma is due to blatant overdramatization of events that probably would never have occured in the first place ; sunset walks by the beach, hand in hand (she was 2 feet shorter than you, oops) , soft evenings on the couch watching tv (yeah right, and fighting over the remote), long drives through lush, undulating hills and valleys (and she bitching endlessly about everyone under the sun). There is this totally pointless mis-representation of reality in your head that leads to all kinds of problems. Thus, a true master keeps this trash out of his cranium, and focuses on what needs to be done next.

Which comes to getting fired. No point crying about something that has already happened. Just move on, and make sure you do not repeat your previous mistakes. Getting all self-piteous is a recipe for disaster.

Fun

I came into work on Monday and noticed that my friend why sits a couple of desks in front of me was away. His desk remained empty into the afternoon. That was way too long for a meeting. He couldn't possibly be on vacation. The 2nd week of January! Duh! After all the carnage of the holiday season, you should be insane to take days off now. I wondered for a bit and left it at that. Later on, someone told me he had been fired the previous Wednesday. Apparently, he had been called into a meeting with HR on Wednesday morning. Soon after, he took his jacket and left, never to return. So much for heart rending melodrama.

He was towards the end of trading, and had to find a desk to work in permamently, and no desk wanted to take him. He had done pretty badly in the tests. He was super enthusiastic about whatever he did, but had no idea what he was doing. Its one of those cases where too much energy and enthusiasm actually work against you as you go from one blunder to another. There really wasn't too much of a choice.

Frankly, I don't feel the least bit sympathetic or sorry for him. He had joined the programme that would eventually make him a trader. If you want to make the shit, you better be the shit! Don't expect mama to kiss you on the cheek each time you get into a bit of hot water! He had better been prepared for the reality of the business he had chosen to enter. Also, I am sure he would get a job elsewhere in a week or two. He has a fairly funky looking resume as well, so getting into grad school would be a breeze. And his brother took out the bank with a private equity firm. Its not like the poor guy with a family to support who got thrown out on the road after 20 years worth of blood and sweat.

I should probably speak to him though. Maybe sometime near the weekend.